I’m a Big Girl

Having a four year old, I know those famous words oh so well, “I can do this all by myself.” As a parent, sometimes we get frustrated with having to say, “well maybe not this time, let me help you.” But really, Are we not guilty of doing the same thing with the Lord? Each and every day, I bet there are times when God has his arms wide open for us and we turn against him wanting to do it all by ourselves.
I have always been somewhat independent. Don’t get me wrong, I love my time with my friends, but I can manage on my own and have quiet time too. Our son I find is a lot like us in that respect. He enjoys getting together with friends or family, but also does not have a problem playing for long stretches on his own and using that big wild imagination. I love that he does not need people around every moment of the day because as an only child, he would get pretty lonely.
Over the past few years, I have learned it is fine to ask for help. I always thought I needed to have it together, all the time, to always be there for everyone else. When now I realize, how can I truly be there for everyone else, if I am breaking inside over things I have been trying to fix myself. I am sure it stems from my need to always want to please people, and find a reasoning for why I enjoy alone time. I always thought it was something wrong with me for wanting quiet time. Now, I crave that quiet time even more as I am older, and a mommy. Quiet time is few and far between as most of you moms know very well. However, no matter how short it is, I just drink it all in.
Isn’t that graphic so true? Sometimes we just have to take a moment to clarify and collect our thoughts. A few years ago, I got amazing news that we were expecting our first child. I was beyond thrilled and yet very scared at the same time. Around 10 weeks, I went in for my checkup to the doctor. I was so excited to see that heartbeat, and get a photo of my baby. My husband was at work, and I kept telling myself, I can do this on my own. I do not have to bother him, or ask him to be with me at appointments. I do not want to be selfish and make him miss work. This was a day I had wished I had not talked myself into wanting to do things on my own. As the nurse did the ultrasound, I asked a load of questions. This was my first pregnancy, so I did not know how to read an ultrasound at all. She was very quiet, and it made me start to worry. I said, “Is something wrong?”. She never replied. She was just going about her job completing what she needed to complete. All the while, I was a mess inside. I just had a bad feeling. I was alone. It was one of the few times in my life where I wished I did not do things on my own. My husband just thought it was a routine checkup, so he never thought to ask to come. I never thought to ask him to be there because I did not want to bother him. The doctor came in, and there was no happy face. He said, “the fetus is deceased.” It sounded so clinical. “Deceased?” I asked. What did I do wrong? Did I exercise too much? Did I lift something too heavy? Automatically I felt I had done something terribly wrong to cause this or deserve this pain. He told me to take my time and come out to the nurse desk when I was ready. I do not even know how I made it to drive all the way from the doctor to my moms house. My Daddy was home. He wrapped his arm around me and told me “Daddy is here, I will protect you.” I knew in that moment, I did not always have to be alone. It is ok to find quiet time and find rest in the peacefulness of life, but sometimes you need to ask for help and know that God is going to be right there to wrap his arms around you and protect your heart. I just let the flood gates of tears burst open in my Daddy’s arms that day.
I love my husband so much, but that moment I could not even speak words over the telephone. I needed a fathers embrace. Sometimes no matter how much we love the people in our lives here on Earth, there are times when we need that “Father” embrace from God. Nobody else can compare to the love he has for us. His love surpasses everything else. His comfort is more amazing than anything in the world. Independence, Pride, or whatever may be causing us to pull back and not ask for help, needs to just be thrown into the backburner. We need to put God first, and feel that embrace that He already has ready for each of us. When I think back on that day, I knew that God knew I needed that Daddy Embrace. My Daddy is almost always at work. But that day, he was home. He had come home for just a few minutes, and I was able to catch him at home. He then started getting preparations to get me to Florida, to get to a hospital to do a D&C. So Strong, and so able, and always ready to take action whenever I need him to be there for me.
Know that God is always there and ready and willing to combat our problems. No problem is too big for Our God. So take a rest and clarify your thoughts. Be proud of who you are without being filled with pride. Be sturdy on the foundation of your life without being too independent and willing to ask for help. But most of all, be READY for the embrace from Our Loving Father above when we need Him.
Lord, I ask that each person reading this today 
can get a dose of your daily grace. 
Give them the strength to ask for Your help 
when they are in need. Let them know that 
no problem that is in their lives right 
now is too large for You. Allow them to rest in the 
warm embrace of your love and kindness. Give them 
the kind of rest that they need to find ultimate peace. 
Give them the path that they need to be on 
so that their stress may melt away before 
their very eyes. 
In Your Loving name I pray, Amen.

" You are never too old to set another goal or to dream another dream " ~CS Lewis

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